Topic: Toilet Paper

Rumors from Walmart headquarters in Bentonville suggest that corporate employees are bracing for shortages due to the combined impact of the hurricane and the port strike. Panic buying of toilet paper and water has been reported at Costco locations across the country. The hosts compare the atmosphere to the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic.

The phenomenon of "shrinkflation" has hit the toilet paper industry, with brands like Angel Soft reducing sheet width from 4 inches to 3.8 inches. While the number of sheets per roll is decreasing, the price per roll continues to rise. Manufacturers claim the changes are made to make the remaining sheets thicker, though consumers view it as a hidden price hike.

An anonymous source from a Charmin manufacturing facility in Minnesota explains that toilet paper sheets have been shortened while maintaining the 500-sheet count marketing. This "shrinkflation" tactic is attributed to high demand and rising costs. The source also notes that duller saw blades are sometimes used to keep up with production speed.

Parody songs detail the "COVID vacation" characterized by school cancellations and the frantic hoarding of toilet paper. The audio transitions to the political debate over naming the virus, featuring clips of President Donald Trump using the term "Chinese Virus." Media figures and politicians argue over whether such terms are racist, while songs like "Kung Flu Fighting" satirize the cultural tension.

ABC News reports that Procter & Gamble is ramping up toilet paper production due to a surge in COVID cases and renewed consumer hoarding. The report is criticized as a manufactured sales tactic designed to trigger panic buying. Consumers are advised to ignore the reports to prevent artificial shortages.

Given the shutdown of major Chinese ports, consumers are advised to consider "hamstering" or hoarding essential goods that originate in China. An anecdote about a mother predicting Chinese toilet paper shortages decades ago serves as a reminder of how quickly supply chains can be disrupted. While most toilet paper is produced domestically, many other processed goods remain vulnerable.

The Suez Canal is currently blocked by the Ever Given, a massive container ship the size of the Empire State Building, causing a global shipping traffic jam of over 200 vessels. This disruption is costing the global economy nearly $10 billion daily and has sparked warnings of a potential second toilet paper shortage in the United States due to delays in wood pulp shipments.

Reports of renewed panic buying have emerged, with Costco locations running out of Kirkland-brand toilet paper and paper towels. Despite warnings from insiders and media reports, consumers are once again making runs on paper products as new lockdown measures are announced across the United States.

Shortages of premium toilet paper brands like Charmin in the United States have led to an influx of Mexican-manufactured toilet paper in grocery stores. Observations indicate that while the packaging is not as colorful as expected, these off-brands have become the primary available option for consumers.

The hosts speculate on the social unrest that would occur if the internet were shut down. They discuss the ongoing toilet paper shortage and Costco's new policy refusing returns on paper products to discourage hoarders from seeking refunds after the panic subsides.

The episode concludes with a musical montage satirizing the pandemic, including songs about hoarding toilet paper and Purell. The hosts sign off with their traditional "Adios, mofos" as the mix transitions into a compilation of media clips regarding the "Kung Flu" naming controversy.

A drive through Richmond and Berkeley revealed that while clothing stores are closed, gas stations, car repair shops, and grocers remain open. Major shortages are reported in toilet paper, paper towels, red meat, and pasta, while "fake meat" products remain untouched on shelves. Some stores like Safeway have implemented occupancy limits, leading to long lines of customers waiting outside.

The United States experienced a surge in panic shopping following President Donald Trump's Wednesday evening address and the subsequent national emergency declaration on Friday, March 13, 2020. Retailers like Costco saw massive traffic backups as consumers cleared shelves of paper products, cleaning supplies, and frozen foods. Secretary of the Treasury Steven Mnuchin reported that while travel spending has decreased, the surge in grocery and medical supply purchases has temporarily offset the economic impact.

A maintenance worker at a Minnesota retirement community reported that the facility has entered a full lockdown, barring all non-essential visitors to protect elderly residents. The worker expressed frustration that "toilet preppers" are hoarding Personal Protective Equipment (PPE), making it difficult for healthcare professionals to obtain the masks and gloves needed for resident safety. The hosts adopted the term "Toilet Preppers" to describe those engaging in irrational panic buying.

Supply chain insiders report that retailer warehouses for toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and bleach are essentially empty nationwide. Despite the panic buying, manufacturers are unsure if demand will plummet in April as consumers work through their stockpiles. Due to corporate travel restrictions, many industry professionals are withdrawing from "Tissue World," the premier trade show for the paper towel and toilet paper industry.

The genome sequence of the Wuhan coronavirus reportedly ends with a string of 33 "A" characters, a detail noted for its symbolic significance to the show's producers. Additionally, a personal anecdote describes the rush to buy face masks and toilet paper, driven by the belief that Chinese consumers will buy up the global supply. The hosts discuss their own lack of need for masks given their home-based work environments.

A recommendation is made for Zellerbach ZZZ toilet paper, described as a superior "cleaning machine" compared to commercial brands like Charmin. The hosts discuss the absurdity of ordering toilet paper online in bulk cases of 40 rolls for $37. They recall an anecdote about a mother fearing a shortage because she saw Chinese shoppers buying large quantities of paper.

The U.S.-China trade war escalates with retaliatory tariffs that media outlets claim will significantly increase the cost of consumer goods like luggage, electronics, and toiletries. NBC reports suggest the average American family could pay an extra $767 per year. The hosts mock the specific focus on "luggage" and "shampoo," questioning the validity of these economic warnings.

German citizens reportedly sent 1,500 toilet rolls to Queen Elizabeth II as a satirical gesture regarding potential post-Brexit shortages. Meanwhile, an online petition calling for Parliament to scrap Brexit has amassed over four million digital signatures, though the validity of these "votes" is questioned due to the lack of verified signatures.

A listener from Northern Ireland clarifies that the Belfast "peace wall" is still standing, contradicting political narratives. The hosts then process a large volume of donations, including a "de-douching" for a producer named Muhammad Ali. They revisit a long-standing debate about whether people "fold" or "scrunch" toilet paper as a psychographic data point.