
1742: Golden Poop
Health officials at Bikoro Hospital in the Democratic Republic of Congo report a mystery virus outbreak that has claimed over 50 lives since late January 2025. While initial reports linked the symptoms to Ebola, medical analysts suggest the hemorrhagic nature of the deaths more closely resembles the Marburg virus. The outbreak reportedly originated in children who consumed a dead bat, leading to 400 recorded cases. Attorney General Pam Bondi issued a formal directive to FBI Director Kash Patel to release the full Jeffrey Epstein investigative files by February 28, 2025. This follows the appointment of Dan Bongino as FBI Deputy Director and a shift in Department of Justice transparency. In New York, Mayor Eric Adams announced the Roosevelt Hotel will cease operations as a migrant intake center in June 2025, following a decline in arrivals and the implementation of 60-day stay limits. Meanwhile, UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer met with President Donald Trump in the Oval Office to discuss NATO defense spending and a $500 billion mineral deal involving Ukraine. Medical researchers in Canada are currently seeking golden poop donors for a phase one study using fecal transplants to treat pancreatic cancer. The odorless capsules contain microbes from healthy donors intended to assist chemotherapy patients. In the world of sports, the Green Bay Packers have filed a motion to ban the NFL tush push play, citing safety concerns over the high-conversion quarterback sneak.



















