Stroking the Ugly Stick

00:04 This is the No Agenda Countdown. Today is April 22, 2009. We're informing you that tonight is the live broadcast of No Agenda number 91 at 3 p.m. Pacific, 5 p.m. Central, or 11 p.m. GMT. From Gitmo Nation East on a secret airstrip in Southwest London, Adam Curry. And balancing the axis of Gitmo coverage from an unknown location to even the most advanced Iridium satellite, from Gitmo Nation West, John C. Dvorak. This evening, Crackpot and Buzzkill will fend off lunacy, conspiracy, and stupidity the world... Privateers, scholars, and loyal citizens of Gitmo Nation, lend them your ears, because tonight is No Agenda, number 91.

00:51 Keep in mind the space-time continuum and the no agenda library is filled by the donations that you make So head to know agenda life a comp or Dvorak org slash na to make your donation today From the flux capacitor development laboratory of hyperbolic voiceovers. I'm Parker our Snyder now on with a countdown Sorry, I meant, uh... Well, let's just do this one. Yay! Hey, everybody! Noah Gen Number 91. That's what I call an intro. Yeah, yeah, that was pretty good. I liked it. I totally liked it. And you're so right, because VLC, when QuickTime wouldn't open up the MP3 file, it had a couple of stumbles there, but it made it through. That was pretty amazing.

01:39 Yeah, well VLC is a work of art. It's a good product. Is that open source or what is the deal? Yeah, it's open source freeware. Yeah, I gotta tell you man, I've learned so much. I've been on the command line again. We talked about something off the air. The show basically continues when we shut it down, ladies and gentlemen. We agreed it would be interesting if I could actually measure how much time I'm saving by going command line only. Some people go commando, I go command line. And I can with certainty can say, John, on a daily basis, I'm already saving an hour. I find this somewhat ironic. Well, let me tell you, there is... I think it's ironic. Go for it. Because you're a Mac user. It's totally ironic. You're absolutely right. But on the other hand, Mac is of course Unix and is built upon

02:37 a long-standing tradition of a command line interface. But just so here's how I measured it in a number of ways and by the way of course I didn't really gain any time because that hour that I saved by doing a lot of my work and communications through a command line of course I fill up with other cool ways to save time using the command line. I wind up spending twice as much time on this shit. But you know you should spend the same time net but get twice as much done true true that thank you But you are you'd be amazed how much time you spend waiting for the user interface waiting for the GUI. That's basically I looked at You know how much time do I wait on certain web pages that I'm rendering but certainly email and Twitter also It's just amazing how much time you save it's it can be anywhere from 20 seconds to a minute per

03:32 Action. And that really, that adds up at the end of the day. Yeah, I find it annoying. I mean, I know what you're saying. Because I'll do something, click on something, and then I'll wait and wait and wait, and I'm looking at the clock tick away. Yeah, that's your life. That's your life ticking away right there in front of your very eyes. Uh-huh. So, but once you get into it, all the tools are there. So, I even went and checked, here's how nerdy I am. I've configured Mutt with Gmail. Huh. And it's quite interesting. Once you get it all, it takes, you have to put in the effort to get it all set up, but then you can pipe stuff out to VIM and into my outline for the show, and you can pop open. So whenever you need the user interface, like a browser that renders a pretty page with the way someone was meant to communicate it, you can pop that open. It's just a couple of keys. And my hand, the intent here is my hand does not go to the mouse.

04:30 It stays on the keyboard. I should be able to do everything with a couple of commands and that's, you know, I base everything on how many keystrokes and fascinating. And of course, you know that I said on our last show that Twitter is the command line for the web. People are going to become very accustomed to it. So I think I'm actually on a new trend here. We're already accustomed to typing follow or leave Or D for direct message. It's not that far removed from LS, you know? And I'm surprised someone doesn't have Twitter hooked up to their command line. I'm sure they do. They must be somebody. Well, I'm glad you're having such a great time typing.

05:19 For someone who never had typing lessons and is self-taught. Oh, you've never had typing lessons? No, that's not tradition or culture in Europe. Like in the States, it's pretty much you get driver's ed, another thing that is not culture. You gotta see my son John's typing. Holy crap. Yeah, well my daughter Christina, who also is self-taught, her hands fly over the keyboard, John. Yeah, a lot of kids at this age, from about whatever age to whatever age, since they've been on these machines, they're on the computer a lot. And they just scream, it's unbelievable. And I look at how she's... If you look at any kid's keyboard, you'll see that the backspace is worn out. I mean not just... Oh yeah, you can't react, no, because they're banging that sucker. And it's not just the word, it's like it's indented. Like it's actually... Some of the surface has been scraped off.

06:12 Yeah, the funny thing is the way these kids type they never take their hands off the keyboard when they're typing so they type in if they make a huge mistake like if they got a word misspelled 30 words back. They'll just erase all those words Instead of grabbing the mouse and going to that one word right like we do yeah, they erase everything just with that backspace key, and then they just retype it again It's almost instance just as fast not faster Well, what's interesting though is if they were taught maybe in school just one step further which is hey if you're at the end of that really long line and you want to change that word at the beginning you can do question mark type in the first three letters of the word it'll search backwards then you can hit

06:48 capital R and over type it I mean it would save them so much time if they only learned one more step one little iteration and the idea to be honest about the type so fast I don't think it would save that much time I think there's something totally makes I think they like to hit the backspace key it's kind of fun to watch like pound in the backspace be pump pump pump yeah well you got me on that one I mean, I'm I really appreciate you Jumping in and doing the show with me tonight Because my travel plans changed like in the last four hours. How did that happen? Opportunity came a-knockin so I got to go out to San Francisco first before I go back to New York and then come back to San Francisco. Oh, that's opportunity. All right

07:33 So, opportunity to get it. You said you had a bad cold. Yeah, I picked this up. We calculated with a 48 hour incubation time. This must have been all those wheezing, coughing Brits on the plane back from Portugal. God, the plane was just filled with people hawking. And I know I picked something up. And it's only like a nasal thing. That's when you need Zycam. Zycam? Oh, is that the... We gotta get somebody, Zycam to sponsor us. I'm gonna shoot Zycam. We're not gonna take any, we're not gonna take any sponsors on this show? No, well, for Tech 5. Oh, okay. Good save. You're right. But Zycam is really, works, I don't know, it's just a zinc, you know, it gets in your nose and it does something.

08:24 I haven't had a cold for years ever since I used this stuff religiously. My wife of course says, oh the documentation says it's bull, it's just a placebo. I say okay, well fine. I don't care, it still works. As long as it works for you. Do you take that when you get it, before you get it, as a protection? If you start to feel a cold coming on, you just blast your noses, holes, your nose holes. Yes. With a little of this stuff. Blast your nose holes. Okay, we should put this would be the this is the commercial. Hey, we use Zycam blast your nose holes with Zycam. And boom, you don't get cold just stops. It's amazing. You never catch a cold. I haven't had a cold for a long time. Here's the commercial that I for the product that I endorse.

09:13 Forget about it. Yeah, you coffin. That's the way can so So you got the real news thing I got a real news story. I want to talk about right away Yeah, hold on a second. I sure do And now, to Real News.

09:49 is that locomotive number 844, the classic from Union Pacific, the longest running steam locomotive still operating, of course it's done mostly to haul around this museum, was in Oakland yesterday, took off today to head for Stockton. This thing is, and of course the place was packed with well-wishers, this locomotive which has got a These drive wheels, he's got eight of them, that are... If you stand up to one, it's taller than... It's about your height. They're 80 inches. Huge anyway, this is one of the most amazing pieces of equipment I've ever seen. I mean, I've seen there are some other steam locomotives and you see them in these, you know, a lot of people have a steam locomotive for a little ride they give you or something like that, but nothing like this thing is a monster. It's huge and it's got the big wheels. It's got all kinds of gears and steam coming out of everything. Uh, it's an amazing, you look at it and you go, I don't think that any, that in the United States today we could build

09:13 Forget about it. Yeah, you coffin. That's the way can so So you got the real news thing I got a real news story. I want to talk about right away Yeah, hold on a second. I sure do And now, to Real News.

09:49 is that locomotive number 844, the classic from Union Pacific, the longest running steam locomotive still operating, of course it's done mostly to haul around this museum, was in Oakland yesterday, took off today to head for Stockton. This thing is, and of course the place was packed with well-wishers, this locomotive which has got a These drive wheels, he's got eight of them, that are... If you stand up to one, it's taller than... It's about your height. They're 80 inches. Huge anyway, this is one of the most amazing pieces of equipment I've ever seen. I mean, I've seen there are some other steam locomotives and you see them in these, you know, a lot of people have a steam locomotive for a little ride they give you or something like that, but nothing like this thing is a monster. It's huge and it's got the big wheels. It's got all kinds of gears and steam coming out of everything. Uh, it's an amazing, you look at it and you go, I don't think that any, that in the United States today we could build

10:52 This thing again, it's just I don't think we have that we all we do is make a little bitty things now tips You know someone sent me an article coincidentally today about the the track width of the US trains Which I believe is four foot five eight inches or some ridiculous four foot eight and one half inches, right? Do you know why it is four foot and one eight half inches John? Eight and one half inches. No, I used to it's a piece of trivia. I used to know I don't know so the way you trace it back is These our track of course was built by the British and the British Standard was set because they built their railroads upon existing basically carriage routes and the carriage routes

11:41 were intended for horse-drawn carriages, two horses next to each other and two horses' asses basically gives you an axle width of about four foot, eight and one whatever inches. And those roads, those routes in the road or that made up the road of course came originally from the Romans. So we're dealing with that spacing because of The Roman bureaucracy. Bureaucracy lives forever. There you go. Unbelievable. Yeah, it makes sense though when you think about it. Yeah, it's got to be something. It is kind of an odd number. Four feet and a half inches. In the world of standards, yeah, it's kind of wonky.

12:24 Anyway, so this this this giant steam engine which is just an amazing product which again I'd say I would challenge you know I think that we don't have the skills to do these kinds of things anymore and this thing was built in 1944 has never been removed from service and so it's been running ever since the things a beautiful condition and It's just a couple of little facts which I because I grabbed the sheet that was in the cab mm-hmm the thing weighs 454 tons Are you a guy that has recordings of steam locomotives as they tell me you tell me you have these stereo recordings and it's like oh yeah that's that's the old the old 309 tell me you have it tell me you have it Devorah I'm an inch away from the person that you're describing

13:19 But I don't. Although I would. Are you not alone? Is there someone else in our midst tonight? No. Oh, you meant figuratively. I'm sorry, I just had to blow my nose. God, this is a horrible head cold. There's an amazing trend happening in the United Kingdom that just made me L the F-O-L this morning. When I saw the front page of the Financial Times, so while Gitmo Nation East is spending billions of pounds on security, cyber security, of course we know they keep losing thumb drives everywhere, but several weeks ago, actually it first happened in Belgium and we discussed it on this show, I believe it was one of the directors of the Fortis Bank

14:07 who was, his picture was taken while he was outside getting out of his car and today with the resolution on cameras 12 to 15 to 20 megapixels if you got a couple of papers in your hand you can zoom in on that shit and of course it was all about the bailout plans then just a few weeks ago the security director of the UK government had to resign because he did the same thing, stepped out of his car with confidential top-secret memos about the Cobra team and so they had to hurry up all of a sudden and jump all these guys up north because they were after them and terrorists of course, child molesters, God knows what. And today on the front page, and this is so funny, I wish I could send you the picture, I couldn't find it online John, Hazel Blairs

14:56 the Communities and Local Government Secretary, she's walking towards her office, no, she's leaving a cabinet meeting at 10 Downing Street, and she's in the picture like, Press oh, don't you like my new hair? You know she's really smiling and posing and she's got a black little fuck me dress on and which of course you wouldn't want to do but she's got the dress on and she's got her smart little blazer and in her hand she's holding two papers and oh yes it's all about the the ministers of Parliament's allowances and

15:33 and the plans to scrap their second home allowance which has been huge real news here in Gitmo Nation. So while all these jabronis are sitting there spending billions on security they can't even observe the very first basic level of keeping documents secure by not showing them to the press on camera. Why don't there's a shortage of envelopes in that country? What's the deal? I don't know and you can literally see the picture and she's holding like a manila folder and she's got her bag, you know wrong bag lady by the way and then grasp right there in between fingers and the manila folder because she didn't have time to put it in but the picture John is just hilarious if someone can find that throw it on Twitter

16:16 Because she just has this like I'm so cool looking grin. I've got my I'm together. I'm a well put together woman Flashing off the top-secret memos well now the thing you want to do is you want to use this whole process for disinformation? Oh cuz yeah, of course of course It will be there always yeah, so the next couple of these things you see are probably bogus. Yeah, you're right gosh as ahead of the game we are They're always so ahead of the game. It's unbelievable, but they're still one step ahead of us. Yeah, maybe that last one was bogus No, but this is about I think this is probably this is probably real. There's a whole bunch of crap But it doesn't matter the other day doesn't who gives a crap who know the there's you know, the Tom Mills are I have been protesting for you hear very little about it, but I've driven past them many times in the past few weeks they're standing outside the government buildings and

17:16 protesting because you know I don't know if anyone knows what's going on with the Tamil Tigers and you know there's there's tens of thousands of people whose lives are in jeopardy and they're basically sandwiched in between these rebels and the government army you know everyone's like all anyone cares about is some freaking pirates. You know the Somali... So the pirate, you know the guy they brought to New York, I saw him... You mean the kid? You mean the punk? Yeah. The fucking punk! Did you see him? He's laughing! He looks like he's having the time of his life. Of course! He's got a first trip to New York. The dude's been eating catfish all his life. He's like, check it out my man, I'm in Nueva Yorka! It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. He looks like he's 12. It's unbelievable. Wait a minute, he's the ringleader though, right? Oh yeah, and now it's not even the purported ringleader. Now we know he's the ringleader. Yeah, that's... One of our producers sent me a note

18:18 And he doesn't want me to mention his name. We'll just call him Ben. G'day Adam. Just listening to the latest NOA Agenda, wanted to dash off a quick note before heading to work. I'm in the Canadian Navy and serve on a destroyer. We only have three of these, so please don't give my real name. Navy SEALs, oh this is what we were talking about. Navy SEALs would have been choppered onto the American ships, not parachuted. We have people dropped off all the time while at sea. Well if you're under siege from pirates, I don't think you want to be flying. That's the thing that worries me. If you've got pirates there, you don't want to be flying around in a helicopter. Anyway... Well, you gotta be... I don't think you want to be dropped on a chute. Yeah, I think you can... I don't know. Well he says, just to go on, almost all ships from all countries bring snipers when heading off on these types of deployments.

19:06 A single rifle round is a little more tactical than a three-inch shell when dealing with a hostage situation. Exactly. Why are we sending huge warships over when all you need is a couple of sharpshooters? I'll assume other nations have one sharpshooter on board at all times. All right, that's about it. He says they also drop off all kinds of stuff, but it's always, it's never parachute, it's always choppered. But this whole thing stinks to high hell. It's a huge distraction. I read a note similar to that, only it was apparently there's a blogger on the ship. Yeah, I read that. The captain. No, not the captain. One of the officers. One of the officers and there was a whole bunch of abbreviations and he talked about how they... Right, that one. I saw it on the email. Yeah, I'll put that in the show notes. Aaron Burnett was there!

19:59 On the scene. I don't know if she, there was a couple of different news reports, but she was there and I think she was on a ship. What was she doing there? The coverage of the piracy! And then you know it's a setup. You know, and as much as it pains me to say that because I love Erin Burnett, but we know that she's a shill, we know that she worked for Goldman, we know that she's a member of the CFR, so she's the pretty girl who goes and sells it to everybody. What the hell is going on other than a naval buildup in the region? They've got, every country is sending a warship there, John. For these 18 year old punks, give me a break.

20:36 Yeah, I know there's some sort of a scam going on. The other thing that they're saying is probably a prelude to an invasion. But there's a... somebody's also mentioning that this is also a good setup for the new Blackwater to get some business. Well, two things about that. One, a report shows in the show notes is where you'll find it, Blackwater is still operating in Iraq even though they lost a contract. They don't stop. They've got... they're still protecting civilians, they've got all kinds of business going on even though they were thrown out. And, um, ah, there's something else I was going to say about, uh... Well, I was talking about them going to Africa or on these ships. I can't remember what it was now. I'm a little fuzzy. Hmm, I've never seen you lose your train of thought right in the middle. I don't know, what the hell was I going to say? Usually it's when I interrupt you and then you lose your train of thought. I'm sorry. That was a standalone, ladies and gentlemen, a standalone. You will not be held responsible.

21:40 But yeah, I'm sure the Blackwater stories will come back to you. It wasn't a Blackwater story. It was about the military buildup. Oh, I remember what it is. Yes. Okay. I forgot again. No, a lot of these... So Maersk, M-A-E-R-S-K. So several of the Maersk ships have been hijacked. So the Maersk ships First of all, the hull and their contents are insured by, wait for it, AIG. And this is the same company, and that's reported widely, that transported arms in the Iran-Contra affair.

22:29 So I just want to throw that on top of our mountain of bits and bobs as we try and figure out... It'll emerge sooner or later. We're going to go, oh crap, that's what it was about. Yeah, but the job of our show is to get figured out before it happens. So people can use this in the cocktail party, you know? It's how you get laid. We will help you get laid. Probably with someone who's really nerdy looking and might read right-wing literature and might be a Ron Paul supporter, but you will get laid. Some of those nerd girls are pretty hot. So I got up early this morning and I'm looking out the window

23:17 Looking out of my window I'm walking down the street with a shillelagh A shillelagh? A walking stick A shillelagh? Isn't that a shillelagh? A big giant Irish walking stick, you know, it's a big stick, you walk with it. And, um... Okay. You know, it's just a walking stick, a big walking stick. I'm with you, shillelagh, I'm with you. It brought to my whatever happened to this trend of walking around with it with a walking stick because it's got to be you know You get a little more exercise. You got the walking stick Nobody's gonna mess with you when you have one of these big walking sticks like this big guy, you know John You have hit on the big one here. This is this is the perfect premium for this show the no agenda shillelagh

24:02 And you know the walk softly carry a big stick dude exactly that's exactly what I wrote down here. I love it Softly and carry a big stick. I thought it was walk softly and carry a big I think it speaks awfully But you walk with a stick you don't speak with a stick unless it's a talking stick softly And then you have a cat and you why are you yelling? You walk softly and you got this big stick in case anybody messes with ya. But we could have carved in it, I have no agenda, other than to beat you with my ugly stick. Actually it should be called not a shillelagh but a no agenda ugly stick. You know the funny thing is, I think that's why that term ugly stick came from. Looks like she was beaten with an ugly stick. I mean it's not like... Because these shillelaghs are ugly. I can't spell shillelagh. Let's just do ugly stick. It's easier.

24:52 But you know I've noticed it, but anyway I had one of these years ago. I never, you don't, you know, I can, but I can you imagine everybody like walking around San Francisco with a stick? With an ugly stick? I love it, and a hat, and a proper bowler. Now they're used, there's also the cane, which is not a walking stick. No, no, no, that's a pittance compared to the No Agenda ugly stick. So, the cane, you know, people walk around with the cane. I think this used to be a fad or a trend or people used to use these things because it actually makes it easier to walk, A, less likely to fall over and get a broken hip especially if you're older. I don't know. Maybe we should try to revitalize the cane.

25:38 this old tradition. I like it. I think, and I think we were talking about premiums and I think that's the perfect premium. The No Agenda Ugly Stick. The problem with it is as a premium it's hard to ship. No, you can put it in like a poster roll. Well these things are pretty big. So people ship out, well then we could have the Ron Pope Hill version that unfolds. It's telescopic. Then you're talking about it has to be engineered. I just got a tweet that this whole thing could remember we talked about the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea that Clinton was pushing Hillary Clinton so that the United Nations is then the owner and the boss of all sea airspace above it and all water below it.

26:28 Maybe that's a part of this whole pirate thing. Like, hmm, you know, it's now law and oh it makes sense. That could make total sense. The UN now has to rule all oceans. This might be part of the internationalism. You know, in other words, you get the first you give the UN the world's oceans, which is bullshit because you know what happens to the gambling casinos offshore and you know. We tax them. That's exactly what happens. You kidding me? But anyway, once you give them jurisdiction, then it's just the next step to the world court. Oh, well, that's going to world government. Yes. Come on, John. My God, John, excuse me. I need to take a drink.

27:12 I have once again pulled you over to the evil Death Star. I'm quite proud. I've never not thought this. I've always been against the internationalists. I wish people understood that it really isn't a good idea. My in-laws are here. They just arrived and it's sad because I had a couple days, but I can't handle them for a week And they're here for like 10 days But you know three or four days. It's great right now. I see why you're rushing off to San I'm really bummed because I'd really planned it so I perfect timing you know I got a couple days, and I can skedaddle out of here and So then you know now I'm doing I think I'm not even sitting with him this evening although now they're in bed and

27:51 But they're both 83 and were in Rotterdam during the Second World War and their houses were bombed and friends of theirs were killed and my father-in-law ate garbage and drove a bike with wooden wheels, you know, 100 kilometers to get a sugar beet. I mean, you know, this kind of stuff. And so, you know, and they're like... They're so lovely. Like, well Obama seems like a really good guy. I'm like, oh shit. Oh why? Why God did you make her say that? So I laid out a couple things and I'm like, hey what does that sound like? When the government is completely controlling large corporations. Says, oh that's interesting. That sounds like fascism.

28:34 And all kids, compulsory, will have to, this is a great line, this is my 83 year old mother-in-law, all American kids, and UK now as well, because Gordon Brown has already pre-announced it, will serve at least three months of service to the country between the ages of 18 and 25. And she said, do they get a brown shirt with that? And I thought I was going to fricking lose it. Because she knows, she knows, she went through it before, she said, wow, that sounds really familiar. Yeah, sure. And now she wants to hear more and of course I'm leaving. So that's better that way. I listened to the show and she took you out to the kitchen. Oh God, no, I don't want to... Let them just have their peace. Alright, so we have one of our fans by the way who retweeted our announcement that we're doing this show. An English woman. Are you on Twitter? Yes. Is she hot? You should look her up. Go to twitter.com. Momma Bear. M-U-M-M-A-B-E-A-R. She's from Malden.

29:32 Hold on a second. Yeah, she looks like your type really Twitter.com slash spell again M MUMMA yeah, be a are mama bear Okay, oh she does look my way tight doesn't she oh she has a website the website doesn't have much going on Jacqueline No more pictures. She's got kids. Oh well that makes her that she qualifies She's totally qualified In the morning there for mama bear I love I love the title of a website mama bears twaddle mm-hmm yeah I was amused so big news today Johnny boy. I was uh I was talking to Ron Ron bloom Chairman of Mevio he was out in Seattle and of course as I said we were talking about some opportunities and

30:33 And then the latest two to the head suicide came up. And even Ron said, holy, of course I'm referring to the CFO of Freddie Mac. Even Ron said, you know, I find this one hard to believe. He said, 41 year old guy, he was only in the job since September, hangs himself? Come on. I mean, no. We hate to laugh at somebody's misfortune, but this doesn't sound right. No, this is so freaking wrong. And I've been trying to look up information on the guy. He's actually a long time career Freddie Mac-er. He was there for 16 years.

31:08 So he definitely knows all the ins and outs. He probably knows too much. But you know, yes, well he did. But 41 years old, I mean, to all of a sudden just like, alright, well, and then, so let's say that he is, there's a reason for it. It wasn't just because he was unhappy in his marriage. You know? So we- What is the claim? Have you read the claim? No, no, no, of course not. We'll never hear about it again. Out of depression. No, we'll never hear it again. No, his wife found him dead by hanging and that's about it. And we'll never hear anything again. Ever. But I do think we should start a new website called 2tothehead.com We should. Absolutely. We have all this questionable shit. I'm never gonna be faster than our producer. Well, will someone please register that for me so I don't have to fuck around with it now? And then we'll transfer it.

31:58 Our producers are so awesome. I got people writing code now. No, this is fantastic. I twittered like... You need people writing code. Yes. I twittered, you know, hey, I'm trying to do this and access some API and I got like three guys, you know, all like in the programming... It's the open source community. That's what this is. I love it. The way the Nuke world is. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. Speaking of which, how's our business model doing? Well, we got a couple we got the people are still throwing us weird Numbers like you know, but you know stuff like six six six is getting old. Yeah But let me give you a couple of the donations that we've had although my session just timed out so I have to go back Hang on. I'll help you fill it up. Yeah, there was we had a couple good day. We have a new night. Oh, oh

32:47 We have a... I'm not going to go into the actual details of his contribution in terms of what it means, because I know. Because I had made a few guesses myself and he's told me. But... Do I get to guess? But yeah, I'm going to tell you, but let me just go through some of these other numbers. We're getting 1984, 2001 obviously isn't obvious. This one here baffled me. 2674. 26 well no 2674 wasn't that 1337 Twice twice yeah, that was so that we're both neat yeah, I got that one Okay, then we wait. I'm supposed to I'm supposed to alert you we talked about that on the last show John Oh, we did. Yeah, well, maybe we got a second one. Let me find my 9-11 that's what is a new one we haven't had that before which is kind of funny. Yeah, I don't think we talked about that did we I?

33:43 Did you hear the alert? No. We did talk about the 1333. You know, someone suggested that we put a for our donations, which you can find at Dvorak.org slash NA or noagendalibrary.com, that we put up a number of these different numerological suggestions so you could make a 1337 donation every month. Or something. Yeah. Nothing wrong with that the 1337 was is interesting to me, but So what so what was our night? Do we have any more night? Let me find him here and by the way we appreciate every single donation even if it's writing some code Distributing the show setting up six watt FM transmitters. Yeah, I think that's cool a couple guys are kidding me. It's awesome. It's absolutely awesome. It's totally awesome Michael Zell Zelina is our new night

34:43 and he donated $1,081. Wow! Hold on a second John, hold on before you say anything. And that's another one for the Armory. What a fantastic, I'm blown away by that. Yeah, and he actually made a comment that he'll probably continue to contribute. In a big way really Jesus, but but but the thing is I'm just gonna I just like no one I'm sorry is it is it a patriotic thing is it? No, I hope that we do a great show And he thinks it needs to be supported by the family you know it's publicly supported And he thought it was a good thing that supports, so you know I really appreciate that because he's a knight now yes, but and he gets ugly stick when we when we make him and

35:33 Yeah, absolutely. So one of the things that, you know, I'm just going to throw it out there. I challenge anybody to figure out what this means. 108100. Figure it out. You know, you'll get a kudo if you can do it. Now we all have two new $50 contributors, the Suwin Corporation and John Edge comb so thanks guys on it and by the Suwin Corporation gave us another screwy one 52 64 50 to 64 yeah, I'm gonna write that down hold on a second 52 And that's another one for the armory and we had there's another one a Diana Maroney gave us 54 40

36:25 Now that one is obvious. Hold on, 5440? My cold is hurting my... Okay, 5440 is an old, 5440 is kind of like Tip a Canoe and Tyler 2. 5440 or Fight, it was a revolution where you cut off the borders and I think it had something to do with, it was back in the 1800s or the late 1700s, I can't remember actually. And it's also a band from Canada. Oh, okay. We also have a couple oddball ones here. There's a 3162. I don't get. There's a 451. 451 means something. And there's a 1963. When Kennedy was shot. Oh, damn.

37:20 All right, so what's the 1081 man? That's bugging me. No, I it's for one time I let it remain as a challenge. I'll tell you in the next show. All right, there's a it is off the wall And I'm am I gonna go yeah, of course no You're gonna go have we had that have we talked to Guantanamo about I About some of our guys, but it's wild. Okay. In fact, it was like, it was like a jaw dropper. Oh, good. Well, I'll work on it. Don't tell me that's good. Good luck. Hey, we haven't talked about climate. 451. I just got his Fahrenheit 454 51. Hello. That was easy. I'm writing these down. Are you keeping a record of these somewhere? No, I did. They're all on tape. Oh, tape. No less real to real John to track.

38:20 I don't know what to call it. You know, what do you say when you're making a recording nowadays? We're in the ether, baby. We're just in the ether. I mean, I still say the word tape. You know, I say I'm going out to take pictures. I know. I know. Hey, I'll play another. Let me play another record for you. Play another record. That's another big joke. I got another topic here. Oh, lovely. I'll talk about the 1081 next week, you know, but Unless I come up with it during this show. You're not coming up with anything, believe me. If you can't come up with the 451... Is 1081... that isn't the size of a megabyte. No, that's 1028, right? Or a kilobyte. 1028 is a kilobyte. So it's not that. You know what's funny is nobody's giving us 1028. That's actually a good one. I thought, I would have expected 64, you know, all these, you know, 512. What would a 512 be to you? $512? No. Yeah. Here's one that would be good. Well, I asked you a question. What would the 512 be? 512?

39:17 That's not the marijuana day. No, that's 420. 512 is the, isn't the original Mac, wasn't that the 512K? Oh right, 512K. Yeah. I think what would be a good one, this would be hard to figure out, but that's the one where I would dream up. It'd be $64.01. That'd be 64 bit. Bada bing, baby. Okay, so 2tothehead.com is registered. Thank you very much. to the head. Who registered that? Nathan. Thanks, Nathan. So, uh... You got a topic. You got a topic? No, you said you had a topic. Yeah, I got a topic. Another, uh, this is, uh, we need a jingle for our food and wine news, I think. Uh, I have something that may be appropriate. Kettle? This is the pot calling. I don't know. It's a stretch. Yeah, it is. So, um...

40:18 I've been, you know, railing, not railing, but complimenting or discussing, I don't know what I've been doing, but I've been discussing linguiça, which is the Portuguese sausage that is pretty, it's a standard quality delicious, I think is the world's greatest sausage. Now John, you do know that we've discussed linguiça many times. Yeah, I know, but I got a new thing, I know we discussed it, that's how this came to be, because I got a bunch of email about it, so we know we discussed it. Okay. Now, so you don't have to honk the horn, but I didn't think about this, and because when somebody mentioned, you know, there's a big Portuguese community in Brazil, and I'm thinking, how come I never had linguiça down there? I wasn't paying much attention.

40:59 And so this guy was writing about he's in Minnesota or someplace and he wants to find, he found some place that supposedly serves it or he can get it or there's a sausage company. I've decided I think it'd be good just to put the word out. Does anybody have a, first of all I have to know what good linguisa tastes like and if you need some you can get it from Taylor's Sausage in Southern Oregon. They actually have a really good one. If you have a linguisa factory or a sausage factory in your area, I'd like to know about it. I'd like to document this sausage around the country where you can get it. Anyway, that's it. That's a good idea. And you know what? Wouldn't that be beautiful? You should register linguisa on Twitter and then someone can just Twitter a zip code and then you'll return an address where you can buy linguisa.

41:49 That would be cool. That's how my brain works. Yeah, yeah, you boy. This is like you and your you like automated stuff That's what I like about you. No. Thank you, honey. It means you're not you know requiring it. You know you're not Trying to work all the time That's it. That's for my that's my list. I got let's go big train the walking stick I eggs is the only other topic I have let me just send you this oops. I sent it to the wrong person oops He'll be wondering why I sent him that That was dumb. You sent somebody else? Yeah, I sent this to Gary Kurtz. No, someone just sent me a link to the Kaito BT-409 anti-shock hiking pole with 9 LED flashlight. Only $19.99. It's got a 9 LED flashlight on it. And it's foldable. That's a good-ass ugly stick, man. Look at that thing.

42:47 It's got accessories, it's got a little compass on it. Anybody who wants to look it up, it's a... Amazon K-A-I-T-O-B-T-4-O-9. Oh, it's 1024. You see people hiking a lot, but a lot of them aren't smart enough to bring a pole with them. If you're hiking in the bushes and through the... you should have one of these poles. You know, I never go anywhere without my pole. Well, I mean one of these poles. All right. I got plenty of stuff for you my friend. Oh the That happened. I think the the right the day after we did our last show the the 21 polo horses that died Did you hear about that that happened? I missed this. What where was this? I think it happened in Venezuela or yeah, but I think it was Venezuela now, of course my link is expired crap

43:58 Now, let me just look that up real quick, because that was a good story. 21 polo... you can just do 21 polo horses. Yeah, here it is. 21 polo horses dead. Toxin possible cause. At a championship event in Wellington, Florida. Oh, it was in Florida. But weren't they Venezuelan or Argentinian horses? I'm sure they were Argentinian. That polo pony suffered hemorrhaging of the lungs. That's freaked out stuff, man. You want a polo pony caused? Official suspect drug reaction in Florida horse deaths. Now something something shady going on with that, huh could take weeks or two weeks to determine the cause Interesting the Wellington, Florida. That's interesting the Germans The Germans are fighting against the patent or as we say in the United Kingdom get my nation East a patent application filed in 2005 by Monsanto who of course want to patent the pig and

45:02 What? Yes, they want to patent the pig. What do you mean they want to patent the pig? Well, Monsanto has filed a patent for, of course, a genetic manipulated pig. And these pigs are meatier and smell less, I presume. And and good on you Germany. I think Germany. I think they're pretty pure. I don't think Angela Merkel is in the game I think she's just you know kind of like a peon who gets shuttled around. She's really trying as an idiot Okay That's another way to put it But good on the Germans for freaking out over this stuff, man. Good for them, especially about pigs. I mean, that's outrageous. You know, what difference does it make? It's like patenting a dog that's been bred. I mean, okay, this is genetically altered, but what difference does it make? Well, if you breed two dogs and you get a new breed of dogs, you're going to patent the dog? I mean, they never did that with the... You know what the Germans are mad about? It's because they never could do that with the Weimer Reiner. The old thing was that the Weimer Reiner was a dog that was bred specifically to be a super dog.

46:07 smarter, you know, can hunt, do all these things, could talk. Really? Well, maybe not that, but they did a lot. And then they, you know, it was kept as a proprietary dog. They wouldn't ever let a breeding pair out. Hmm. And then one got away or something. The next thing you know, there were Weimaraners all over the world because it was, you know, but then of course they're not as, I don't know if they're better or worse, but that's the way you do it. You don't do it by trying to patent an animal. It's ridiculous. Well, they may get away with it, maybe not in Germany, but I'm certainly gonna get away with it somewhere and then we'll be importing them. Well, you know, I don't want to eat this thing.

46:49 No, no, definitely don't want to eat it. You know there's so many pigs, the variety of pigs that are available already, it's enormous. This thing is probably, what is the reason, I'm looking at the pig story here, what is the point? It's going to produce more pork while receiving less animal feed, I guess that's the thing, okay? Well if you look at, yes, if you look at it from the New World Order, global government, international court perspective, of course, their eugenicists by nature and they know that the population is out of control growing exponentially and we have to kill people so we've, you know my stance on that. But the food supply is the biggest problem. So someone's got to supply the food and it might as well be them. And they've figured out ways to make more, basically it's more pig, more pig for the money.

47:43 In the meantime, they become fabulously wealthy. They have a lock on food distribution, which means you really- you thought money controlled people control the food. And you'll kill a lot of people at the same time because that shit ain't good to eat. Well this pig, yeah well it's like that. And Monsanto is all over the White House administration. All over it. Yeah they're loaded up. Embedded. I mean it's like that milk, you know that bovine, whatever the heck it is they shoot into cows to get them to produce more milk. I don't know if any, you know that is the worst milk there is. I mean the stuff is, I've had, tasted it. It is tasteless. It's like drinking white water that's been, you know, somebody mixed some white stuff in it. It has no flavor, has no milk flavor. It's crap. Yeah, I agree.

48:30 And you can see by the way, it's so easy to spot too with the funny thing about it. I don't see how they're making any more money with this milk because you go, you can go to a store where they have this milk and you can see the prices. It's just like half the price of regular milk. And it's like, wait a minute, you're getting twice as big milk and selling it for half the price because of the cost of the cart of the packaging. You're probably losing money with this crap. So, um, It's bad economics. But anyway, this looks like it's going to be for producing more pork and eating less. Genetically superior. So apparently they found some gene that makes you just chub out and they're going to inject it into these animals so they're just like sick. And then they want to have the patent on being able to identify, the patent is actually being able to identify the genes

49:17 In meat, in case somebody gets one of these pigs and breeds it, they're going to go after them and sue them. Exactly. That's what Monsanto likes to do. They like to get this stuff into the wild and then start suing people. And they do it so well. No, it's an amazing operation. They should be ashamed of themselves, to be honest about it. There's no quality issues, they don't care. just you know mass-producing and then if they were do-gooders like they you know well we were making pigs and produce more meat you know and it would be better for everybody if they were that much do if they were that sort of do-gooder why don't they just cut this stuff loose? Why are they suing people over it you know? Because that's how fascism works the government and the big corporations are in cahoots together and they steal from the people

50:12 So it's a road map and you can pretty much read it, John. In fact, you've been through it before, haven't you? And you know the thing that's interesting is to me is that you go to like Spain, the Iberian, and have some of that Iberian ham that they have that where they take these special, these black pigs and then at the end of their life they feed them nothing but acorns. And because there's, you know, lots of oak in the Iberian Peninsula. Cork oak. A lot of it. Anyway, I don't want to go there. But anyway, they feed these pigs these acorns and this is like a prosciutto only it's you know this is a serrano ham sometimes it's called here in the States but it's Iberian ham and they sell it every I mean there's so much of it in Spain and Portugal it's amazing. This stuff is absolutely delicious and I mean anybody even tries to copy this with some I mean what it were you know I think people should

51:05 be eating food that makes them feel better about life. I mean, you're not going to do that with this kind of stuff from Monsanto and that tasteless milk and the rest of it. Also on the other end of the spectrum, a very interesting bill was passed in the House under the special The suspension of the rules, you know how that works? They do this all the time these days. It seems like every single day if you watch C-SPAN, they suspend the rules which is basically a way of ramming something through without debate. Right. You know, it's like, hey, take this one up the butt. The Melanie Blocker Stokes Mom's Opportunity to Access Health Education Research and Support for Postpartum Depression Act.

51:51 And this is... Please don't make me repeat myself. And this is a very interesting bill because this is... if you extrapolate this bill, it essentially makes every born child property of the government until you can prove as a mother that you are sane and you can handle the child. And it's all about getting mothers to take tests screening while they're pregnant to determine if you are prone to postpartum depression. Which in the bill is defined quite broadly. It's not just this like I have to look it up there's like two different words. So essentially that kid is ours until you can prove that you're sane. It's a it's a very very disturbing bill. Wow. Yeah I'm gonna see if I can let me get the the definitions.

52:54 So it sounds like a really good thing, you know, like, oh, we're going to help moms with postpartum depression. But it's not like that. It's like you're going to have to take their medicine. You have to do all the term postpartum condition condition. So that can mean depression or psychosis and anything else the secretary of human health and human services deems appropriate to fit in that category. Somebody said that the No Agenda stream died. Yeah, some people have been having trouble with it. But not everybody. Yeah, I know this law sounds like another... Where is all the people that want less government in our lives? What happened to them? We're it, baby. You and me. So did you get the note I sent you about the airplane?

53:55 Oh, about the Piaggio? Yeah, some guy sent me an email saying, tell Adam to get a Piaggio. What's he want to get this Sky King for? You mean King Air? Right. Well, let me address that. The email... exactly. I remember that Sky King. I remember seeing that. I think it was replaced by Adam 12. Sky King. Sky King, everybody. It was a cereal. As in episodic? Yeah, it was like every week there was another half hour. Yeah, well so was Adam-12. That was also a serial. Adam-12 was? Yeah, one Adam-12, one Adam-12. We've got a 33 in progress. I can remember it so vividly. Black and white. One Adam-12, one Adam-12.

54:43 So yeah, the email was like, oh you really want to wind Adam up? Why don't you tell him that he should get a really nice looking plane like the Piaggio? I'm like, if you go Google the Piaggio, it's a pusher. So it's got a propeller at the back and it's got what we call a canard or a duck wing at the front. It looks like a flying penis. It's French made, it's part plastic. Italian, French, all the same. It's part plastic. Never, there is no, it's not even in the same league as a King Air. Has a nice interior. You're like my wife. Does the door open in the back and is there a restroom? That's pretty much it. Speaking of nice planes, Nicolas Sarkozy, Napoleon II.

55:30 The third. I'm sorry, the fourth. The fourth, yeah. He's done a little purchase because of course he couldn't be outdone by everybody. You know, I mean Air Force One, I mean please. I mean that's the biggest penis extender in the world. So he had this little dinky Airbus 319. He's made a 157 million pound deposit, of course to Airbus for his A330-200 which will be at least 10 meters longer and 2 meters higher Then that used by aircraft used by other European leaders. Uh-huh. It's all about the penis at the end of the day So he's got the biggest penis in Europe and it's another huge shot in the arm for for Airbus

56:14 Which is doing quite well, and you know I track this stuff because I do believe there is a war between Airbus and Boeing, and when you read that Russia has signed a deal with Airbus to sell titanium for four billion dollars, this is an interesting industry. Yeah, there's a big fight going on between those two companies. And it's no joke. And you know that Holland, this is a big discussion in Holland, they participated in the Joint Strike Fighter program, which everyone was against. It's supposed to replace the F-16.

56:51 and there was this joint strike fighter, all European countries would participate and of course like McDonnell, Douglas and Boeing and whoever else are going to make this thing and everyone had to put hundreds of millions into the pot and now of course they have to take delivery and they have to do stuff and so the whole country is angry because there's no money for the people yet, oh we can't break the deal on the joint strike fighter, we have to take delivery of two joint strike fighters, you know like 200 million or whatever. It's crazy. This is where all your money is going. You know, something like 2 to 3 terabytes of data from the Pentagon was just stolen within the last week or so, and it was all from the Joint Strike Fighter files. Mm-hmm, doesn't surprise me. Why do you think I'm using a command line, John? Just saying.

57:40 Somebody, Matthew Grainer just sent me a tweet saying I should try a churrascaria. I've been to dozens of these churrascarias in Brazil. I've never seen anyone buy one with a skewer with a linguiça on it. Or maybe if I had it, it didn't taste like the stuff I get in Portugal. So I don't know. Sorry, just an interruption here from... Hey, hey, hey, hey! I gotta get my own sound effect thing to do. Anytime, baby. Anytime. We didn't talk about this on the last show, although it was au courant at the moment. Lawmakers started earlier this week, that would be, you know, like people in Congress and people who you supposedly elected and are supposedly doing shit for you.

58:27 They're starting to have hearings about energy and global warming bill that would of course revolutionize the way we produce and use energy and how we're taxed for it. And the last time we had this type of bill was acid rain I guess was the scam at the time. And actually the smog, we got rid of a lot of the smog which is why people are buying into this crap. So the laws are coming and they will be taxable and you'll be paying taxes on anything, any use of carbon. What a scam! Make the pig with genetically modified pigness and then charge people for the pig farts. I mean, these guys got it so locked down. Whatever happened to acid rain? Acid rain, acid rain.

59:18 It wasn't, it didn't, you know, it was a meme and it went away. I remember that acid rain meme because I remember one of these 60 minute shows, they're saying, oh, the statues of Italy are all dissolving because of acid rain. Was Fox News around then? I didn't know that. It was like 60 minutes. It was like some report, you know, acid rains dissolving all the statues of Europe. And you're just imagining these things, I'm dissolving. And then they find some old statue that was all screwed up looking and say, look what happened. Yeah. Well, we had the great ice age that was coming. We had all of that. Oh, and a coincidental thing that's interesting to me that the that is the climatologist, which is a fairly new discipline. Once they got a hold of this global warming thing, they start getting money.

1:00:12 They were just having their grasp, they're just not going to let this baby go. It's hundreds of millions if not billions of dollars in research grants and all kinds of dough, of course. Global warming, we should be on that shit, absolutely! I know, I don't understand why we're not. We should be big time promoters of this crap just to get as much money as we can. We are doing it so wrong. We should be like Jackie Chan, do like Jackie does, man. Sell out of the trouble. Yeah, sell out, man. Just sell the heck out. Darn. We can't live with ourselves, ladies and gentlemen. That's why we don't do it. There's a great story on AP, which of course, we'll get. This guy has a book coming out next week. He's the former Food and Drug Administration Chief in Command. And I'm paraphrasing this article now.

1:01:10 But here's a direct quote from him, I guess, in the book. The food industry has worked out what works. They know what drives people to keep on eating. In the next great public health campaign of changing how we view food and the food industry has to be a part of it. Basically, what he's saying in this book is how the food industry has figured out through neuroscience that the combination of fat and sugar you know, sparks up dopamine in your old noggin there. That's your little pleasure spot there, the same that gets hit by alcohol and other fine, fine products available in the wild. And that essentially what this former FDA chief is saying is, you're hooked on crap and we know it. The book is going to be called... Are you still there? Yeah, I'm listening. Okay. Where the hell... I can't find the title of the book.

1:02:12 Anyway, he calls the millions millions in America are Conditioned hyper eaters a willpower sapping drives eat high-fat high sugar foods even when they're not hungry Mm-hmm. No, they don't give the title of the book. That's lame PR agent should be fired. Don't even have the title as an AP story You can literally write that and hand it into him. Can't you? Uh-uh No. Do that again. That's what everyone's ringtone should be. Well, that's expressive. You know what I meant. Stephen Hawkins went to hospital. To the hospital. I think we say to hospital here. You say that there, I know. I think it makes no sense. It's daft. They also say to university. It's blotto.

1:03:13 No, blotto means... no, blotto is the way you are a lot of the time. Yes, that's baked, right? Blotto is baked. Baked, baked in blotter. That's the one thing that bothered me, you know, I did this and it's still not on... What's the what's the TV? I'm blanking out. Yeah, I did the swamp thing I did an episode of swamp thing Hulu right and So that episode is still not it's it's a series previous to the series that they have on there now It's still not on Hulu. There's like one YouTube clip of one brief little scene But it was a half-hour show and and it was it was great. You know who also was in it Rick Rick Manetti, Moretti, Manetti who played Rick on Magnum PI. I mean this is the level of acting talent that was on this episode. I mean just powerhouse stuff. And I'll never get over that in the script and of course I wanted to change it but you know I had no say in the matter.

1:04:04 That this rock and roll guy Nathan, this rock star who's strung out on drugs actually uses the word blotto. I'm like, dude, this is so wrong. And you can see me, you can see me like, nobody uses the word blotto. I'm like, how about baked, wasted? You know, no, no, no, no. I don't know. I couldn't get him to change it. Even stoned is better. Blotto. That's, I was blotto, man. I'm like, no, no one ever say that in their right mind. It totally ruins the whole episode. Huh, but anyway, you played that character and you had to say it yeah, and I did and I and I think I made it work I made it so you actually use the word blot Oh in in an acting piece of art, huh? Mm-hmm. It's worth it. I Hulu. Hey, I'm gonna go go make that happen put that shit up. So Stephen Hawking We have to start using it now

1:04:56 We shall. That way you become relevant in time as in hindsight. Yes right when it comes out on Hulu. That's right I'll be like the Hoff. I can be as cool as the Hoff. Whatever that is. The Hoff? Anyway go on with your Stephen Hawking's thing. Rushed to hospital, a hospital in Cambridge on Monday after fighting a chest infection. Very ill but they say he's gonna be okay. He's only 67 years old. And you know, Sky, Rupert Murdoch Sky, these guys have no shame. So this happened on two days ago, so on Monday. Last night, Sky puts out the Simpsons episode of Stephen Hawking. Have you ever seen that one with his wife?

1:05:49 Yeah, it was pretty funny. And they're making out, making out on the bed in their wheelchairs with their little, their robot voices. Those guys have no shame. They're like, hey, I can just see the program, meaning, hey man, let's put the Stephen Hawking episode on. Yeah, that's awesome. Great idea. No shame. And no one, no one takes a look at it, you know. The show that has no shame and it really gets carried away, I think, in borderline family taste. Yeah, Family Guy. I mean, the fine, then I looked into the Family Guy, uh, because I only started watching the Family Guy about...

1:06:24 I don't know, maybe a year ago? Because I never liked it when it first came out. I thought it was stupid. And then I looked it up on one of the, you know, it's history. It turns out it's been canceled twice. Really? And it was canceled after like the first two seasons. Terrible, by the way. Don't watch anything from 99 or 2000. And then it got back a little bit back and they ran it. So when they got canceled again and then there was a big uproar and everybody, they put it back on for one more time. And so this is actually the third iteration of the show. And so they and now and I you know I tried to get my wife to watch it She says I hate that show it sucks, and you know she likes humorous stuff Yeah, but she won't watch it because I think she got you know people saw it early on like myself We're kind of preconditioned to think it sucks, but meanwhile my son who watches it You know he thinks is terrific and most people that start watching it the newer episodes love it. It's great show Yeah, I love it, too. I think it's just outstanding

1:07:21 So here's one for the missus, for Mimi. According to the BBC, scientists have found the pleasure nerves. There's actual money going to this research. A team including scientists from the Unilever company, that's who funds research peeps, have identified a class of nerve fibers in the skin which specifically send pleasure messages. Hmm people had to be stroked at a certain speed I'm trying to do the straight face man people had to be Wait a minute let me get through it People had to be stroked at a certain speed which by the way for the perfect sensation is four to five centimeters per second

1:08:11 How more explicit could you get? Fortify centimeters per second to activate... Is that back and forth? Well I guess each way, one way and some people can do four centimeters one way and five centimeters the other. I mean it just kind of works better and doing that activates the pleasure sensation. No kidding. Actually published in the Nature Neuroscience and they say this could help Understand how touch sustains human relationships. It's very important. So I think it would be... here's... I just came up with... I don't know. I just came up with a product. Does it involve a walking stick and stroking?

1:08:54 I never thought about the walking stick part, but it does involve stroking. I think they have a little speedometer device so you can get your speed down so you can like rub it like it would be like a mouse pad. So you can measure that you're doing four to five centimeters per second. So you can get that motion to the back right speed. And you will have the most pleasure. Because apparently, I mean I would assume that this, they're talking about these nerve fibers are all over the body, we're not talking about just you know some place that you were would make you have a lot of pleasure. No, no, it's all over, it's all over. So if you can get that down so then you can give somebody a caress.

1:09:31 And you've already practiced your speed, so you get the speed right down. Every day you go work out for about an hour, practicing back and forth. So you hit that beep beep beep beep as it may be sounding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Check it out though. If the stroke was faster or slower than the optimum speed, the touch was not pleasurable and the nerve fibers were not activated. Scientists also discovered that the C-tactile nerve fibers, as they're known, are only present on hairy skin and are not found on the hand. This is important information. In fact, I think this is... On hairy skin? Yes, I think this is... And now, back to real news. This is fantastic. Professor Francis McGlone, now based at Unilever, I mean, you know that Unilever is coming out with a product. First we had Viagra, now this.

1:10:21 After an academic career where he carried out research into nerve response says this is likely to be a deliberate design of the human body. We believe this could be Mother Nature's way of ensuring that mixed messages are not sent to the brain when it is in use as a functional tool. Well one of our listeners must have the engineering skills to make this device I'm discussing. And you know, no, you know what? It's an iPod app! It's an iPhone app! Because you can use the accelerometer! So you can strap it to the back of your hand and then you do your stroking. Yeah, think about a big graph on it, it's perfect. Now you use the screen, the touch screen. No dude, listen to me. It's got the accelerometer. Wait a minute, sorry, I meant to say look. Let me be clear. Look. Look. The accelerometer... And by the way, that is clue number one.

1:11:15 What that I'm lying know that the word look yes clue number one yeah I'm talking about that do people out there will wonder why I said that you're wondering now But I'm telling you right now. That's clue number one about the challenge. I go ahead We said the secret word okay, all right Don't don't distract me. Okay, so that you can make an iPhone app you could also by the way don't forget the no agenda iPhone app available in the in the iTunes store and I'll put the link in the show notes people love this thing It's combination of the stream. Yeah the podcast you can Twitter you can follow all the tweets and and and send your feedback Twitter it They'll fix anything. They're changing it making it better every single day. I guess upgrades are free. I would presume so anyway

1:12:07 This would be a great addition to the app. You strap it to the back of your hand. Hold on a second. It's clunker already strapping it to the back of your hand. Go ahead, go ahead. Or you could hold it in your hand. It's a practicing device, okay? Let's just leave it as a practicing device. I don't know if it's that sensitive. You hold it in your hand and you go back and forth and then it will show you exactly what your speed is, like on a graph, a nice visual display. And then you basically, while you're making the stroking motion, then you take the iPhone out of your hand, keep the same speed and then do your stroking.

1:12:51 Maybe. If it is that sensitive and accurate, then yes. The G-Phone I just downloaded an app that is a metal detector. It works! And it really works! It's a metal detector! How can it do it? I don't know, but it only works on the G-Phone. You should look in the marketplace. You add this app, and it works! You move it towards metal, and you see a little bar and it buzzes. It's just like a magic wand at the airport. I don't know how it works. It's the magic of Google. Well, I guess. Okay, well I'll get that out. We got all kinds of magic. Okay, well anyway, there is an opportunity here it seems to me to make something. Because I think if you get a lot of the guy, you know, there is, I can see this, I can see this being where you get the exact right speed, you know, and it would probably, you know, turn somebody on.

1:13:38 But I'm trying it now. Well, it's not on the hands because that is meant to be used as a tool. Yeah, but you could do the bottom of it. I would say just anywhere on the arm or the bottom of... Hey, you're trying to arm here. No wonder we can't get on the air. So anyway, but you try the arm. I think the thigh would be good. The inner thigh, if you're going to do the inner thigh, I think you're going to have to nail the speed because otherwise you're just going to get slapped. Yeah. Oh yeah. There's a lot. I was going to say there's so many things we don't really know about our bodies and we just haven't been taught it or we've forgotten it, we forgot to teach. I mean there are so many things that we just don't know. We've been conditioned to grab a pill or you know or whatever, just the doc will fix us up but there's so many things.

1:14:36 And so many, you know what I mean? Yeah, there's a lot of stuff that could have been passed on. I believe that 90% of all women, I believe, I'll make it 85%, do not actually understand their own body. And I mean particularly their sexual organ. They do not understand how it functions, what it does, and it's a travesty. You can send your email to Adam, care of this show. Seriously. There's stuff that women can do that they don't know they're capable of. It's mental man. It's all mental but the women are so complicated men are so simple We just want to like that's why gay men get to get along so well because you know all a guy wants to do is just Get laid you know drink a beer and watch some sports So what's the next on your list blackout Europe blackout Europe? Yeah, the European Union Parliament has a vote coming down on the 5th of May and

1:15:45 Looks like they want to, you know, this is the big three strike you're out. We control everything. ISPs have to report to us. Oh yeah, right, right, right. So this is it, right? Yeah. So people, I thought that was kicked out. I thought they said no to that whole idea. I think the guy who said that got two to the head and taken out back. Huh? So now black, go to blackout Europe dot EU. Um, I think it's important that, uh, that we at least make people aware of course you know when it's the 5th of May you know where's the where's the real campaign yeah the UK now of course as of weeks ago they're already trying the speeds on the on the bandwidth have become so crap because you know that they're throttling filtering looking sniffing snooping slurping sucking all of my data it's just it's lame block um blocking uh pirate bay now in the UK

1:16:47 I guess they don't like art. No, well of course they use the child pornography law. Oh well you know there could be pornography there so, oh it's bad for the children so let's block access. Yeah. So somebody just sent us a tweet saying the Android phone may be able to detect mail because of the built-in compass which employs a magnet. Oh, okay, that makes sense. I didn't know it had... I thought that used GPS. No, there's GPS too. I don't know what the... There's a compass in there, I guess. Hmm. There's a lot of stuff in that phone. That's why it's so clunky.

1:17:25 It's a great phone if only the battery lasted more than 20 minutes. Yeah, well the phone is so clunky that they couldn't put a bigger battery in there because the phone would be a disaster. I mean if you look at the battery in there, the thing's a little bitty battery. It's like, what? But it's street, you know? The Nokia battery on the E71 is huge. Yeah, it lasts for days. But the G phone... I love it because it's ghetto, you know? It's like you can drop it, you don't care. Nothing happens to it. iPhone, you're like, ooh, be careful. It's not shiny, you know, you just keep shining up. The G-phone is like, pfft. But it has everything, man. And that integration with... It's like a Jeep. It is like a Jeep. It's the Jeep of phones. It's the Jeep of phones. If only it lasted longer. Although, be careful.

1:18:11 because it does nasty, even though you set it to don't access my network when I'm roaming, yeah, $600 later, just from this thing sitting on my desk, it racked up $600 in charges. You're kidding. No, because I have it on all the time and I use it and I presume that it's always talking to the Wi-Fi and I have the, I even turned off the transmitter, the phone part, and we still got bills. I took the SIM card out and then the bill stopped. So I don't know what it's doing, but it was not behaving as advertised. But of course, Google, no stranger to funny business, now accused of avoiding United Kingdom tax by routing most of its earnings through Ireland, saving over 100 million pounds a year.

1:18:59 Oh really? Yep, of course. Oh good for them. That's smart. That's right. Eric Schmidt on our economic board of advisors in the United States. Guy knows how to screw everybody. He's good at it. I'm glad he's there. He's a good guy. Yeah, he's a good guy. I'm sure you've met him. Oh yeah, I know him. I mean, of course, ever since he became the hot shot over at Google. I know you've talked to me and he won't talk to you. This is typical. I mean, everybody I know that becomes rich and famous, they've snubbed. Except for me, I've never snubbed you. Yeah, no, you're the only one. You're my only celebrity friend who actually talks to me. And even I can't get you laid. You know, I just don't know what to do. Now that's not true, John. This party... Don't screw up the party, okay? When you go to Amsterdam, please go to the party.

1:19:47 Don't yeah, I'm gonna don't get there. We got a bunch of people coming We they all have to go because this is it is the I gotta take photos. You know oh yeah Oh, yeah, you're gonna. Love it. I mean I've set you up. Yeah. I've set you a big time Don't embarrass me with this girl. Yeah, okay. I'd like I ever see her She's gonna personally take care of you. Yeah. Yes, we'll see trust me dude, and you got taxi Eric's number I Taxi Eric is in my phone. Okay, I'm gonna alert him that you're gonna, you know, I'm gonna alert him. I want him on standby for you. I thought you already said you alerted him already. I haven't talked to him yet. You haven't left yet. Don't worry. Okay, well I'm gonna send him an email. The place to go these days for a vacation is of course Iceland. Now the Kroner has dropped by 44%. I have a recommendation for Iceland. Go for it.

1:20:44 So if you go to Iceland, one of the things that you'll find is that they have sheep in Iceland that are weird. Yeah, they pay taxes, they're called citizens. Ha. Anyway, these Icelandic sheep, they come in three colors and they actually use the wool raw from the three colors so you don't have to really dye the wool. There's a white version and a black version and a brown version of these sheep and they're called Icelandic sheep or something and they look like they're prehistoric. They're just shaggy, weird looking things with a funny face. Do they have weird horns? Are the rams or not? I don't remember the... No, that's Highlander. No, no, no, I'm confused. The sheep have like, they look like they're Rasta sheep. They look terrible actually.

1:21:26 But they have a, they make a wool that is very water resistant. It's a beautiful wool. It's very soft. It's just, it's not as great as the stuff from Peru, but it's damn near close. Anyway, they have this Icelandic wool. So they make a lot of blankets and sweaters and things like that from this sheep, because you know, it's cold there. The best wool shop... And Bjork is always around, so you gotta be protected. Bjork is in the name. How come no one's connected Bjork to the Icelandic demise? They should have. So anyway, let me finish this. So the best wool shop, I think, in all of Iceland is actually at the airport. Wow. Okay. Good prices, good sweaters, they've got Italian designs, amazing place. Another John C. Dvorak household knitting tip.

1:22:18 A tip from Dvorak. In fact, I was, you know, if you used to, if you could just take an Icelandic airplane ride to Europe, so you just stop in Reykjavik for the stopover, then get back on and go to... You don't even have to go into town, just grab your wool products and skedaddle out of there. Nothing else to do but drink in that country. You know what they need? They need, so they have the wool store, they need some of that sausage you're looking for, that linguiza. Linguisa. They need a linguisa. You know, why don't we open a chain of no agenda linguisa booths at airports nationwide? Get your ugly stick and you're TSA approved by the way.

1:22:54 So I was up in I think what was the airport? I think it was in Madison was it Madison I have to think about this, but there's a bunch, but these little puddle jumper airports up in Wisconsin. There's a series of Sausage places, I think the sausage brand is for singers of course and they've been the little sausage places are called the worst house and They have these saws these with these these these I'd say bratwurst And they keep them, first they grill them or something, or first they keep them in boiling water with onions and green peppers and then they put them on a grill. And I have to say it's probably one of the greatest hot dog experiences you can have. And you want to load it up with the onions and the green peppers. I'm hungry all of a sudden. The Ursinger's sausages are fantastic. You're making me hungry. I'll tell ya, this is as good as the stuff you get in Germany.

1:23:55 One thing that we didn't discuss which I think is relevant because you know we don't take advertising on the show I don't want to go into a whole plug but our model which is experimental is based upon donations a lot of people seem to get it and we're highly we haven't even done anything with the money yet so basically just do we have that in the Reykjavik savings bank John is that where we're keeping it? We have to go pick it up. Bjork is holding it for us. So, but part of the reason is because news is gone, essentially. It's either contaminated, saturated bullshit gone or just plain bad. And the news came out, the New York Times first quarter earnings, so that's basically based upon their subscription price and their advertising.

1:24:48 The news media group, which includes the Times, Boston Globe and other regional newspapers, revenue declined 28.4% versus 18.4% in the previous quarter. Can, John, can, should we just get the gun and just shoot it? You know what we need for a sound effect? A flushing toilet. I think we could use that sound effect every so often. Okay, I'll get one. Well, the product, you know, the problem with these newspapers have is that they essentially have not been delivering the kind of skepticism needed to make the public happy. I think the public is always wondering about the story behind the story or are looking for insight or they're looking for some perspective. We're looking for real news, baby. We need Amy Winehouse info and deets. We need the details.

1:25:44 Get Perez Hilton working for the New York Times and you watch those revenues go up. Well that reminds me You know the Perez Hilton did the Miss USA thing you didn't get to see is no I'm sure Mr. I think it was Miss North Carolina that one but it was me and we actually blog this But it was Miss, California that there she's out there. She's gorgeous blonde and and she probably could have won the whole thing but they have these different judges ask these extremely political questions of these women who are kind of dingbats. I mean, what are they asking them? You know, about global warming. It's everything. Every question was some really heavy-duty political left-wing question. And so they asked, so they go then say, here's the judge you picked and it was Perez Hilton. I'm thinking, why is Perez Hilton? What is he doing there? A blogger who's gay.

1:26:32 A gay blogger, yeah why he's gay for one thing, why is he doing a beauty contest? He's a gay blogger and he's there and he asked the question, what do you think about gay marriage? Why is he asking this? And so the woman who's this California, you know, she just some, I don't know who, what her background was, but she says she was raised to believe. She gave a very honest answer. So she was penalized for this by the way. Was she from the Midwest? She had a very Midwest attitude? No, she's from California, but from God knows where. It's the Midwest! That's the Midwest of Gitmo Nation. What are you talking about? Well, okay. She comes out and she says, I was raised that marriage is between a man and a woman and that's just the way I see it and that's the way I believe it is and that's just the way I was raised. Did she add to that? Did she add to that? But luckily we live in a free country where people can do things in the privacy of their own home. Did she add some patriotic spin to it? Because that was, that's what she needed. Nah, she didn't. She was taken aback by the question. None of these girls did that because they just, you know, this whole thing is rigged anyway. Wait, wait, stop, stop! What are you telling me?

1:27:35 So this was rigged. Oh no! It's like the first person reaches in the box and she gets judge number one. The second person reaches in the box, she just gets a judge number two. The third person reaches in the box, she gets judge number three, Perez Hilton. So anyway, so Perez Hilton has a, just his face just kind of screws up like this woman should be killed and eaten. And uh, So she walks off and she comes in second, you know, in the whole thing and everyone believes that it's because everyone, and the audience was, whoa, I don't know, boo. And, you know, it was a sham. It was ridiculous. This poor girl. But meanwhile, of course, she's got more publicity than she would have gotten if she was the winner, although she won't get any of the prize money.

1:28:21 But you know, so about a year and a half ago, Perez Hilton was holed up in London. This was just around the time when the lawsuits were happening about his use of images or the threat of lawsuits, which of course propelled him into humongous numbers. And we had a, I would say a significant budget to go and get him to do a show for us. And which I thought was yeah, he was really really up-and-coming and with he was gonna pop big-time and I did full press court I I did I took the lady Patricia with me and she did her whole Fag hag thing and we really played it played to him and send him flowers I mean I did a full-blown full-on Hollywood producer job on this guy because the other people courting him were vh1 our money was equal maybe even better and

1:29:13 But let me just say one thing about Perez Hilton. He's a dick. He's a total dick. And that's not because he wouldn't sign with us. The guy can't communicate normally. He's just a complete dick. I think Lisa Bettany, when I was doing the Twitch show last week, was making the same... had some run-in with him too. He's the kind of guy that will stab you in the back in a freaking heartbeat. He's a total douche. I don't say that about anybody really. I mean, it was just, he's not even a courteous guy. You know, just not even courteous. And if I roll out the Lady Patricia and you're not courteous, nah, that's it, it's over. No, I wouldn't worry about him. Well, I'm not. It's just because he came up with it. Exactly why I got on this vent is the big question. Yeah, well, it involved good looking girls.

1:30:14 whatever so uh... anyway so she has screwed up in whatever maybe she would have won anyway who knows but this seems unlikely she could have won the entry i'm sure you give her zero uh... other than that we have our uh... talking about the uh... gay marriage we have our uh... crazy mayor of san francisco who is a big gay marriage guy in the state he's going to be a running for governor now this should be good for left is running against moonbeam jerry browns is like a Who's leading? Is he still alive? That guy's been around forever. Jerry Brown? Jerry Brown had been around for a while, hadn't he? Yeah, well he's been governor before, I think back in the 40s, you know. Right, right. But he's got the right pitch. I mean, Brown is, I've met him a couple times. And of course, you'd never recognize me in a million years because he's always, I mean, he's literally

1:31:08 when you just stand there talking to him, he is not on the same planet. I don't know if you ever run into people like this. But they're just, they're obviously... Yeah, John, I've actually run into people who literally were not from this planet. But that's a story for another show. Yeah, that's the story with the question. Anyway, so he's like, he's just obviously thinking about something, or he's preoccupied, or his brain is divided. I don't know, it's just the weirdest character. You just described my dad to the T. I think these people are highly intelligent and are so wrapped up in their own thoughts that they're just, they're spaced. Yeah, well Brown is that way. But Brown's got better soundbites, he's got a better pitch, he's been in politics forever, his father was the governor of California for a while, so he was raised with it. He's just, I don't think he's beatable.

1:32:03 I mean he's just amazing. In fact, I think he could have been president if his timing was a little different. But I don't think that's gonna happen. And he also has a bad reputation and a lot of problems that California has to this day are his fault. But he's gonna go in there again and make it worse. I'm coming back across the bridge in San Francisco. San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge, one of the most beautiful bridges in the world. I'm counting the potholes I'm hitting as I'm coming across. Bang, bang, bang. Oh no, but John, that's one of those shovel-ready projects. Don't you worry, that thing's gonna get fixed in a heartbeat. Shovel-ready, baby. It's shovel-ready. It's shovel-ready. It's potholes we have in this state. It's like potholes. They should change the name of the state to pothole. Hey, you know what? Tomorrow afternoon, one more pothole will be added to the state as I arrive at SFO. One more pothole. I said pothole. Oh, I'm sorry. Alright, I was...

1:32:58 Practicing my stroke. So what you didn't hear discussed today, but are in the show notes, IMF puts bank losses at $4 trillion, more bailouts for the auto companies, AIG systematically denies claims of injured US contractors. They're out there, they're screwing with you, my friends. And we're just here to let you know about it. And once in a while we'll figure something out. But I know one thing, Perez Hilton, as soon as we get those ugly sticks, he's the first receiver. Yeah, not worth the trouble. I think he should be We won't be discussing him anymore. Okay. No agenda ugly sticks coming soon Yeah, we got to get some other stuff going here with in terms of like things like our flatware all right flatware right well We got the three nights so far so we'll we gotta you know we gotta get customized some stuff for them. We'll get them still get The knives of the Knights

1:33:56 for the flatware. Knives of the Knights, yeah. I'm just saying, it's an idea. It's possible, I mean we got to, you know. Okay, so briefly John, because I've restarted our final tune three times now. When will the next No Agenda be? Well, since you keep changing your schedule, I don't know. I mean I'll be in, traveling on Saturday. Yeah, you arrive Sunday. I arrive Sunday and then I'm gonna have to see if I can either connect or whatever. Well, why don't you make a good connection on Skype at the hotel which that works fine. I'm gonna have some gear with me. I got a, I got a, I got a, you know, a nice dynamic mic, a nice classic actually. And some headphones.

1:34:43 Yes, I definitely have to have headphones. I'll have them and so then I'll see you I connect otherwise I'll have to find somebody over there that I can you know visit their office and use their facilities or something like that We'll get the show done either Sunday or Monday Okay coming to you from the southwest quadrant in London of Gitmo Nation East in the crackpot command center. I'm Adam Curry And I'm here in the Buzzkill bunker in northern Silicon Valley, the place that doesn't exist and has fantastic weather in the last two or three days. I'm John C. Dvorak. We'll talk to you again very soon, right here on NO Agenda.